Under pretty enormous pressure from different parties regarding something which by no means is extremely important, but is nevertheless something major - the kind of impactful decisions that occasion would only arise 3 to 5 times in any given year.

I've been so used to considering other people's wishes. I've lost control of my own fate. I'm trying to orchestrate people's music - but I can't find my own voice. Worse - I was not aware that I need a voice of my own.

That's why I'm disoriented - don't know where I'm heading, don't know what people want from me, don't know what I want from myself. Busy and important, full of engagements and responsibilities, but spending most of my time in firefighting. That's me.

I want to go out - stroll on the street deep in the night, live in a European city with much limitations yet full of opportunities, try new ways of life. Why not?